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[30 Oct 2006|05:10pm] |
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oh. my. god.
ecstasy is crazy
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[20 Jul 2006|04:12pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
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You ever watch the Maury show when they have the teenage girls who are addicted to sex? They swear at their momma and the mother takes it and just cries. Hell, if I ever did anything like that to my mother, she'd beat me upside my head. I think its crazy. My daugher ever did shit like that then shes getting kicked out of the house. Take youre baby and live on the streets, you ungrateful bitch.
I love the maury show. Its soooo good.
I got a cut on my middle finger and I can't type with it =( I knifed myself at Subway. It's a clean slice, it didn't hurt at all. I didn't even think I cut it because I just kind of banged my finger into the tip of the knife. And then all this blood came gushing out. And it kept bleeding for a while. I was quite amazed how much it bled.
Oops. I gotta go. Ta ta everyone
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[10 May 2006|04:06am] |
Comment to be added.
Just can't have everybody knowing my business, ya know
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[01 May 2006|03:22am] |
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mood |
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You don't believe me. Why would I want to stay when all that I scream into you, you let flow out. I refuse for this to repeat it self next semester. And now I told you, now you're scared. Sometimes I feel trapped in this relationship. I love you but for how long can I go when all you do is hurt. Now is when the strain begins. And now all this strain has escalated. It took you too long to listen to me so now the first crack has already delved deep. You put it there. I've been loyal. I've been as in love as I could be- you've been mean. You failed to believe and now the crack is there. How many more cracks until what we have breaks apart? I'm not one for loss but I can carry on. It's up to you.
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[10 Apr 2006|02:51pm] |
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Prodigy- smack my bitch up |
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Everything is still the same. I'm doing awesome in english class. I chose my classes for next year. What do I got...Art History, Sociology, HDFS, Italian Literary and Cultural Studies, Classical Mediterrian Studies and thats it. Mostly general education requirements, but I'm pleased I got Soc 107 and HDFS 190 because that was necessary for my major.
This weekend was nice. I splurged and bought myself a few things...with the help of brian of course. I never have enough money. I got two more camis for Kohls cause they look awesome on me and I finally found a nice pair of rain boots. When it rains up here, it's awful. I get soaked. So I finally got boots! Yay! They're black and pink with hearts and flowers and stuff on them. Yeaaa they're nice. Much thanks to my baby for buying them for me =) Lets see...I also got a cool pair of lounging pants on sale from Express. Fuck yea, I finally afforded something at Express. Go me. Go sales. Go $9.99 pants.
Brian finally got his class ring back from ex-stacee. Oh yes, I am the better stacey. With a normal spelling. So he gave it to me and we stole a chain for me to wear it on. It's big with a black stone. It makes me happy.
Cept there is still stress with me and brian. He gets so fuckin offended at everything I say. I hate it but I get so pissed that by the time I'm ready to call him out on it I calm down. I need to have a good flip out on him. Such as friday. We walked to Store 24 for a wrap and while walking in Carter held both doors open (otherwise they lock shut). He didn't notice me at first till I said "Thank you, Carter" And he smiled and said yea or something like that. So Brian asks me "That's Carter?" and I replied "Yeaaa..." with a smug smile on my face. That's all. And he gets pissed. I looked at him and spat out "What" and he just gave me this look and said "whatever." Yea fuck you. Yea, I find Carter quite attractive. Am I not allowed too? I know you were looking at those girls all dressed up for a party. And you found them cute too. But it's ok, cause you're a dude, it's allowed. But fuck no, stacay can't think Carter is cute.
Yea well Brian, Stacay is going to find Carter attractive anyways and you are lucky that Stacay loves you Brian cause Stacay is a fuckin slut and has only changed because you treat her so well. But don't fucking try to control me. You know this. And yea, Carter is hot as fuck. But I'm staying good and I could be doing sooooo much more to pursue him. So fuck you, don't get pissed at me.
And Brian knows. Brian knows that I am attractive and a lot of guys here do hit on me. Such as when I bought my pants at Express. Yea they're tight but I starve and work hard to try to be thin so I want to indulge in it. And I said "they're to make you happy" and he replied "Yea and everyone else too." Well I can't help that and he said I know.
Whatever.
Sarah told me in the car that over the summer she though I had an eating disorder. "You were so thin so I asked Cornell, 'yo is she alright' and Cornell was just like 'whaaat?' so thats how you know its all good"
I think there is something wrong with both of us. We both drew anorexics and taped them on our door. Sarah says she used to be bulimic. She is overweight but not Shizrae overweight. Shizrae was huge. Sarah has a huge ass lol and she knows it. But I still think she looks fine and she dresses and carries herself as any other person. Shizrae handicapped herself to her obesity.
I still think I'm fine and I'm not Ana.
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[12 Mar 2006|12:04pm] |
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The concert was wow. Brian and I were feet away from Trent Reznor. Until I decided being squished to death was not fun. I expected pushing. I did not expect to be hit by a truckload of people from behind. As soon as they began Terrible Lie, the crowd just jolted forward and I was pushed into two guys in front of me. So I planted my elbows in their backs to try to give me some room to breath. When the crowd jumped, you jumped, when they pushed, you pushed. They controlled you. So I told Brian I couldn't take it and we somehow made it to the middle of the crowd. Trying to push to the back was amazing. It was like pushing against a wall. We were moving back while everyone else was moving forward. But eventually we made it back where all the stoners and the mosh pit people were. It was more fun back there. Sure, I wasn't feet away from Trent but I was able to enjoy the concert a lot more. I liked being the outside of the mosh pit and deflecting people back in. Every time I brought up the courage to jump in, five huge guys would jump in and I was no match for them. My side is aching from mosh people jumping into me. But it was great. The concert was great, Trent was crazy in the beginning but then he resumed his new normal boring self. In the beginning he climbed the drum set, humped the mic poll, and jumped down to the crowd. But then by the early middle of the concert he went back to being his new, sober self. Bleh.
Massachusettes people are odd and crazy. The night we spent there, we met wackos. And saw lots of farms. Lots. And people complain UCONN is bad- we only have one farm! I didn't like UMASS. I thought it was ugly. Then afterwards we went to dunkin donuts because mcdonalds and wendy's were packed. The drive through lines were amazing. And I saw Steffy! STEFFY I SAW YOU! At dunkin donuts. She placed her hands over my eyes and I was thinking "alright...i better know this person cause these people are crazy here..." and it was steffy and it was all good.
Our hotel had a pool! I love love love swimming and pools. I made Brian wake up at 8 in the morning so we could go swimming before checkout. It was awesome. Then on the way home we stopped at the Hoyoke mall and I got a pair of sun glasses at Hot Topic for $2.50. They're the bug eyed, nicole richie, sun glasses that I have been wanting but have been to cheap to buy.
Anddd theennnn when we got back we stopped at the waterbury mall so I could get my nipples pierced. 101 bucks to get them pierced. Brian payed but I'm paying him back half. He was going to pay for my second ear lobe piercing, only $30, but then I decided I wanted my nipples instead and there is quite a difference in price. The piercing hurt- a lot. A real lot. Like ow. And owwie. And it was a dude piercer so I was shy. We went into the room and he told me to hang my stuff on the door so I hung my purse and my coat. And then he looked at me and told me to hang my stuff on the door so I stripped off my shirt and bra and was like eep im exposed. Brian laughed at me. And then he made the dots and asked me to look at them and told me to sit and told me to take in a deep breathe and let it go slowly and then he shoved a needle through my nipple and it hurt a lot a lot alot and then he put the ring through and it hurt a lot and then it stopped hurting and it was good. And then repeat. And voila, I got metal rings through my nipples. They bled. I had all crusty blood on the rings when I cleaned them 2:30 this morning when I got home. It hurt a little. they don't bother me now- only my arms and my ribs from the concert.
Time to pack and eat and shower and head back to UCONN. Yay. Or boo. Classes. Essays. Bleeeh.
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[24 Jan 2006|01:50pm] |
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I can't get my banana open :(
Quick update:
Fat ass moved out last night. Thank God. So for now I have the room to myself. If I get a new roommate. Either way I don't care. It does get a bit lonely without a roommate. But it is nice to have the room to myself. If I new I would keep the room to myself then I would bring my easle up here and create an art desk with the extra desk. But most likely I'm getting a new roommate.
Uhhhh what else? I need to go shower and study....more updates...uh...later or something.
Brian's coming up to help me rearrange my room tonight. Yay.
eep I gotta go potty.
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[27 Dec 2005|11:14am] |
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Christmas treated me well. My parents always pull through. So here's a list:
clothing! lot's of UConn shirts so I can finally beat Jake
Scarves cause scarves make me happy
A nicer shower caddy for dorm life
socks!
eyeliner!
a fleece blanket...from walmart but its cozy
halo 2 and star wars lego for xbox
a knitting kit
some canvas boards and paint
clay and clay supplies
a nice pair of boots
dream angels perfume! from my daddy! he actually went into victoria's secret for me...awww
labret studs
and the surprise: a new digital camera! holy crap it's tiny and nice
I was completely surprised when I opened the camera. I have a camera and my mother knew I wanted a new one and she actually got one for me! I never expected that. It was really nice of her. She's been wanting a digital camera for years and so far she has gotten me two. I gave her my old one for now but I think she is finally going to buy one of her own.
What else. My brother & Tracy gave me a $50 gift certificate to kohls and a huge container of Fireballs. 200 count. That's enough candy for me.
And brian? Here's the list:
an easel Yay! I finally have a real easel to paint on
A penguin jewerly holder. It's adorable
Burts bees stuff...I love burts bees
A switchblade. It's a nice knife. Mmm knives.
A whip...teehee...a real leather one from VIP...mmm it's nice...poor brian..but he likes it =)
Tingy massage lotion...mmmmmm
Cosmo Kama Sutra book...77 great sex positions =)
Alcohol! I love him being 21 =)
A $100 to put towards my tattoo. I didn't want to take it but he made me and told me to save it for my tat.
And everything else he bought me in december counts as a gift, according to him. So cute boyshorts, a book, NIN tickets, and labret studs.
Yay.
Steve told me very bad news today. Well I guess it's not bad. But I don't like it =(
*sigh*
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[19 Dec 2005|06:10pm] |
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So I'm home. I'm sleeping in my bed and taking showers without flip flops. It's good to be home. I still miss the U, as Mark called it. I sure as hell don't miss Shizrae. It will be awesome once I get a new roommate. I believe she has been the reason I have been hating UCONN. A knife needs to go through her eyes. She's so rude. So fat. So lazy. And such a bitch. Absolutely the worst roommate ever.
But you all know that.
First semester gone. I can't believe it. It flew by. I made some great friends. Some great friends other than SSS. A part of me feels like I'm betraying them. It felt odd these last two weeks as I spent more time with Leslie, Sarah, and Mark than I did with Martin, John, and Jose. I've been spending more time with the girls which is what I wanted. And I finally spent some time with Mark. Mark is awesome. I just hope my second semester will go better than my first. I'm breaking out of the summer and into the year.
So here is the final standing as of today:
Anthropology: B-
Philosophy: B+
FYE 1: A
FYE 2: still waiting
PSYCH: still waiting but it'll probably be a D
Statistics: D+
my mom wasn't mad at my. She rocks =)
Once I finish xmas shopping for Brian, I can't wait to see everybody. Ashy and Steve and Jason and Joe and Will and Mike and everybody. Yayness. Stupid Ale had to go to Chile for the month =( Ah well.
Yeaaa it's good to be home.
Oh...and UCONN received bomb threats today. So it's realllly good to be home
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[06 Dec 2005|06:40pm] |
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music |
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Greatful Dead- Friend of the Devil |
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Eyes burning strong through my sockets. I need relaxation. But it's ok because I have my rich perfume with my cheap shirt. I'm jealous of her perfect breasts, perky and strong. But I was blessed with a pretty smile. A smile that I rarely use. They tell me my face is always mean but I don't always feel that way. They told me it would be freezing. Frostbite just stepping out of the door. But I could go running barefoot in shorts and a bra. I could fall down and make a blanket out of snow. My skin would be red and feel stingy but the night would feel so peaceful. Maybe I could die there, lying in the snow. But if the wind blew too hard I would dig myself out and run into the lake. I would dive in and swim deep. The water would ripple and encompass me with cold. But I would just swim. And in the morning the sun would reveal me floating on the surface.
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[30 Nov 2005|03:01pm] |
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Blech. I need to lose more weight. Right now I'm 129....i'm aiming for like 110. Or 100. That would be peachy. But I need to lose it so I can get more tattoos. Mmm tattoos
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[29 Nov 2005|06:07pm] |
Take the quiz: "WHAT RELIGION BESTS SUITS YOU?"
Agnostic
You've probably studied loads of different religions, but you're just not sure if any of it is true. Evolution makes some sense to you, but it doesn't satisfy you. Lastly, your personality is one of question, but you won't go out of your way to find -The Truth- It's more of a hobby.
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[26 Nov 2005|12:11pm] |
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I have totally wasted my vacation doing nothing. I didn't paint, write, or study for my exams. Ah well. It was nice to sleep, relax, spend time with ashy, and spend mucho time with Brian and his friends. But I didn't get to see my Ale =(. Maybe next weekend since she's going to Chile during my december break. *cries*
Last night I played pool with Brian and I was doing horrible. I get so upset when I lose, I'm such a brat. But we played a winner takes all game and I won. Cept I yelled at Brian because he always tells me what to do and it annoys me. I want to play the game- as in play by myself. Not with a teacher. I know he means the best but it just irks me. Afterwards we rented Fight Club because I've never seen it before and Brian thought I should. I was quite disappointed. Usually when Steve praises a movie so much I end up loving the movie (Requiem for a Dream, Boondock Saints). But this movie- no. And I was surprised. Sure, the movie didn't bomb totally. But it doesn't deserve so much praise. It was an ok movie- that's about it.
But maybe you beg to differ.
Anyhow, I need to do Christmas shopping. And I'm afraid to spend money because my account is dwindling down. I hate not having a job, I feel so vulnerable. Next semester I am determined to get one. And over the summer I'm planning on working two jobs. I want to get an apartment with Brian very badly. Jake, being the rich bastard he is, is buying a townhouse (like a condo) and he asked Brian if he would like to rent with him. Overall, it would be Jake's house and Brian would just be helping to pay off his mortgage by renting. Granted, it's a nice house. It's not even built yet but the floor plan is quite lovely. But I'm just not into it. I would still have to live at UConn next fall for a year since one cannot break the housing contract in between the year. So I guess I would live with Brian during the summer & breaks. It would be nice, not having to live here...but it would be Jake's house. I wouldn't be able to have friends over or smoke a bong lol. But not only that, I wouldn't feel welcomed. I wouldn't be able to cook and put up Christmas decorations or anything that is entitled when you live on your own. I would want something to make my home. Not just a living enviroment, a home. I would probably feel better living in my parent's house then living there. Jake is a nice guy and he likes me but that doesn't matter. It just would be weird. I don't want that situation but it may help Brian get out of his parent's house and start to get us on our feet. But the only thing is, he wouldn't be saving money for us to try to get an apartment. He said it would be good so he could get used to paying a monthly rent which is true. But it wouldn't get us any farther along. Except that I could live there and Brian wouldn't ask of me to help pay rent. So with two jobs I could save up. But I would have no car cause my parents are bastards and won't let me keep my car if I move out. Because technically they own the Neon. So I would have to buy a cheap $500 car. Which I wouldn't mind. Actually, Brian would have to buy it for me because I don't really have the money for it. So as I saved up money I would have to pay him off.
I don't know, it all sucks a lot of ass.
Cheers!
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[23 Nov 2005|02:52pm] |
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mood |
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AHHH
I almost died from peppermint shnapps last night. Well...maybe I'm exagerrating...and I know it's spelt wrong...but I did engage in a lovely puke fest with brian's garbage can. It's his fault, he made me get drunk so he could rape me. Haha not really but it was fun while I was at four shots. It became not so fun after the seventh. *sigh* I never stop until it's too late. Like me puking and passing out in his bed.
I did write though. Brian and I met Cody at a tiny coffee shop in Shelton. Some dude and some chick were playing guitars on a tiny stage and we sat on tiny chairs and I wrote on an envelope. And then I ran out of space. But Cody gave me his article to write on the back. It was nice. So I was able to write more in my drunken state. And then I had to pee. So Brian led me to the men's bathroom! I didn't realize it until the second time I went to pee when there was a lady waiting for the bathroom on the opposite side. And then I was like "hey...."
Wooo I'm a genius.
Shower time.
happy spanksgiving!
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[10 Nov 2005|11:13pm] |
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I am having writers block so bad I just want to smash by head open and let the words bleed out and form their own story.
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[07 Nov 2005|08:37pm] |
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So long time no update.
Halloween was good. Dressing up & going to parties & getting drunk.
But thursday....was....awesome. Thursday was the day I went to New York. Thursday was day I skipped my classes and Brian took off from work. Thursday was the day he picked me at 10:30 in the morning. Thursday was the day we spent in new york. And Thursday was the night was saw Nine Inch Nails at Madison Square Garden.
It. was. lovely.
The first opening band, death from above, was horrible. Next was Queens of the Stone Age. They were good but lacked in energy. And finally NIN came onstage. I almost started to cry when the curtain started to life. We were way back but directly in front of the stage. So no facial features but we still saw them well. And Trent played in the direction of us. He sang to me, in my direction. The lighting was awesome.
I could go on and on and on. But just the way he moved...it was so graceful. It was so provocative. It was like a version of Closer on stage. He was so sexy. His voice was perfect. The band was perfect. Jeordie was going crazy with his guitar. He was entertaining. And they played Reptile! My heart raced when Trent screamed out the word reptile in the first verse. It was heavenly.
Absolutely heavenly.
I didn't want to leave. I made Brian circle around MSG with me afterwards looking for Trent.
Of course we didn't find him.
But I will! Someday I will! mwhahahahahahahaha
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[30 Oct 2005|01:33am] |
alcohol is lovely and im am starving....needddd food
i loe dancing
more updateds tomorrow!!\
tayayay
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[13 Oct 2005|09:58pm] |
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Why am I doing so terrible in my classes? I go to them & study yet I still get poor grades. I have yet to see my grade for my philosophy exam/essay. That is my last hope at receiving a grade higher than a C.
I'm exhausted but I'm coming home saturday. That makes me a bit happier. I gained 3lbs since last week and I have been kicking my ass all week about it. But alas they're still there. When I think about it it's like a drill in my skull. It's so annoying. On top of that, my period is coming soon so I'm starting to get bloated. I feel terrible. I hate this.
I want to write more...it's so calming...but I have philosophy homework for my 8AM philosophy discussion...*sigh*
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[10 Oct 2005|11:07am] |
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mood |
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 thirsty |
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Martin says I have herpes in my nose
I think my roommate is mad at me or something
That's ok cause I don't really care
I need some girls to party with
Always hanging out with guys is tiring
I can't wait for my lip ring to heal so I can go back to full scale making out with Brian
Brian slept over this weekend
He always moves the pillow on me when I'm comfy and sleeping
But I still love sleeping next to him
The dude from the summer wants me again
I thought he forgot about me
Especially since he has a girlfriend
The giant scary football player wants to meet me
Not happening
Facebook can be very bad
Frightfest isn't that special
Serenity is an awesome film
I should do my homework...
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stacay's journal
depressed